After 2.5 weeks, it was time to head back to the west coast. The lines were pretty long today, and it looked like everybody everywhere was delayed... but me! I arrived in SeaTac at 11pm-ish - the expected time because of my connecting flight, but very many people enroute to Seattle weren't so lucky. Turns out the city got hit with snow for a few hours in the afternoon, and they had shut down the airport for a few hours. So all the flights that were suppose to arrive from 3pm to 7pm or so could not land and were all rerouted to nearby airports. Which meant that by 11pm-ish, the baggage claim was packed with people, and zero wait taxi line that usually awaited me was ended up taking me 1.5 hours+ to even get into a cab! On the way home, the taxi slipped sooo many times, that I was actually pretty scared.
So on the way back, I had a stopover at O'Hara, and as fate would have it, I would run into the person who lent me the Alchemist. What are the odds eh? Here I was in Seattle at the same city, working at the same place, and I would not run into her, but instead, I run into her at an airport I do not usually go to, out of all the possible connecting flights and stop overs location, it was this one.
This was the first time I had talked to her face to face for a few years now. I remember the last time we talked was when I was picking her brain about the life here, and it seemed more like a Q&A session with a frustrated/incomprehension face from her more than anything...
So this chat as we waited to board the plane was different. It felt awkward in a way, but that's to be expected :P. It also seemed like there was alot less judging this time around, so there was ALOT less frustration (which is good or bad depending on how you look at it)... but what kept striking me as odd was that here I was, always believing that it is not difficult to keep up a conversation with old acquaintances, but then with her, I can definitely feel the lack of topics... Good thing that as always, I can count on her to find stuff to talk about :P - to keep the awkward level from becoming overbearing.
The interesting thing was that while this slight awkwardness was floating around, I was able to at the same time, feel that calm state that I had never been able to quite grasp on my own. That feeling of just being content... be not thinking of anything else, my mind feeling like a blank canvas, not desiring and conjuring up ways to have more of anything and everything... Actually, now that I think about it, this probably partly explains the reason why it was hard for me to think of something to talk about with her... even back then... Of all the people I have met, I think she is the only one who can bring me to this state of mind. That or lots and lots and lots of booze... hahaha
Which makes me wonder. In my life, I have come to know quite a few people. Those who can inspire and motivate, those who can lead, would help others, are compassionate and considerate, are driven, are fun, are wild... which in turn becomes a catalyst for me to reach higher and try to enjoy life. But none of these catalysts (other than perhaps helping others), makes me feel content or happy. Why is that?
I seem to feel most content when I am in this blank state. Though in this state, I am headed nowhere... I would feel stagnant, calm and content but not indifferent. But then, isn't that better than being stagnant, agitated and indifferent? What about the state of moving, agitated and indifferent? Is the ideal case to be moving, calm and content, and not indifferent? How do I reach this state?
No comments:
Post a Comment